Scissoring gets a pretty bad rap. Referring to a sex position where two people rub their genitals together, scissoring can’t win. It’s either fetishised and considered to be the only kind of lesbian sex available (according to everyone but lesbians, funnily enough) or regarded as a position that’s not real, or not worth it.
It’s all over our media, and usually being poked fun at. From scissoring jokes on Gogglebox, of all places, to the rather miserable scissoring demonstration given by Kyle Richards and Dorit Kemsley in in The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last week, us gays have to deal with a lot of bad scissoring takes on telly and social media.
And they translate into real life, too. Scissoring is pretty divisive for an innocent sex position among LGBTQIA+ people, with one camp thinking it’s not a real position anyone actually goes for and is just a male-gaze position from mainstream porn, and some absolutely loving it – proving that, yeah, it really is a thing.
In fact, according to one 2015 survey by Autostraddle, an online platform for lesbian, bisexual, and queer women and nonbinary folks, over 40 per cent of people who identify as lesbian, bisexual, or queer women scissor on the regular. And even in the world of porn, Pornhub’s 2022 year in review tells us that “Lesbian Scissoring” searches grew over 151 percent worldwide that year, and women were over 155 per cent more into it than men were.
So, scissoring is real. For some people, it’s really hot. And it actually doesn’t even need to be about vulvas or lesbians – everyone has the potential to enjoy a good scissoring sesh. Speaking to the experts, GAY TIMES has the ultimate guide to what scissoring is really about, ignoring the stereotypes and “rules” people needlessly apply to this kind of sex, and how to use scissoring in your own sex life.
So, what is scissoring?
Gigi Engle, sex therapist and educator at dating app 3fun, says that scissoring is widely considered to be a very specific thing: two women with their legs intertwined (like two pairs of scissors with the blades intersected – hence the name) but it’s actually open to all genders and backgrounds.
She explains to GAY TIMES, “Scissoring is mostly practised by people assigned female at birth. It could be two cisgender women, two transmasc people, a cisgender woman and a transmac person.”
Engle also believes that scissoring doesn’t have to rigidly only include that specific position. “It can look like people rubbing their vulvas together or one person straddling the other’s leg and kind of dry humping,” she says. Equally, two people with vulvas could scissor in a classic cowgirl position if that’s pleasurable to them, or it might even involve one partner rubbing their genitals on another area of their partner’s body – like a leg, stomach, or arm. Whatever works for you!
Importantly, clinical sexologist Bima Loxley notes that people with penises, and partners with different genitalia can engage in scissoring.
Frotting, for example, is a sex position that looks a lot like scissoring for penises. Two people with penises can stand face to face, lie down with their legs intertwined, left leg straight on the bed and your right leg raised upwards with your partner kneeling between, and rub their penises against one another to give each other pleasure.
Instead of gatekeeping scissoring, we should celebrate being creative with how we interpret labels and play with sex.
These alternative acts and positions within scissoring are often referred to as tribbing, which can be a more gender-inclusive and position-inclusive term that encompasses all of these options. That being said, it’s perfectly fine to call any of these activities scissoring, or choose another name entirely.
As Loxley and Engle both explain, some people can get hung up on the labels for positions and disagree on what is or isn’t scissoring. But the technicalities over naming conventions really don’t matter when it comes to sexual pleasure. Instead of gatekeeping scissoring, we should celebrate that the understanding and versatility at the centre of the queer community means we can be creative with how we interpret labels and play with sex.
The only important part of labels is that you and your sexual partner understand each other’s definitions – whether it’s scissoring, frotting, tribbing or any other kind of sexual activity – so you can understand what each other are asking for in the bedroom.
Why try scissoring?
Engle says that scissoring can be really fun and pleasurable. “For two people with vulvas, you can get a lot of external clitoral stimulation from scissoring because of the way you’re positioned against each other,” she explains. When it comes to two penises or partners with different genitalia, scissoring also offers a different sensation. In a world that can get quite hung up on penetration, it can be refreshing to take that focus away and try something different.
Many people – regardless of what genitalia they possess, have more fun during sex with grinding motions over penetration or humping, and climax easier this way.
It’s also incredibly versatile. “You can play with power dynamics with scissoring by making one of you the top and another the bottom, or switching the roles up,” Gigi adds.
Loxley agrees with Engle about the great power dynamic options of scissoring, and adds that it also offers great control over angles to target the clitoris in the light way.
So many people wave scissoring off as a waste of time before they’ve even tried it
34-year-old presenter Helen, who loves scissoring so much she wrote the book on it, tells GAY TIMES, “scissoring is the most intimate act you can perform with someone, and people wonder why lesbians fall in love so quickly?!”
In Helen’s eyes, scissoring is “by far, a vulnerable act” which is what makes it so incredibly beautiful. “The way in which you’re connecting with someone, the closeness, the eye contact, the connecting of the most divinely beautiful body part. It’s poetry quite frankly,” she says.
It’s also just fucking hot,” she adds. “Wanting to smoosh your vulva into someone else’s. It’s a raw, almost primal act that lets a vulva-owner thrust and gyrate into the person they’re f*cking.”
26-year-old set designer Rhiannon also tells GAY TIMES that she loves scissoring simply because it helps her orgasm the fastest and most intensely. “It’s ridiculous how one way or another scissoring is – so many people wave scissoring off as a waste of time before they’ve even tried it while everyone else seems to think it’s the only sex for lesbians to have together. But it’s actually one of many many options – and a really hot one,” she explains.
“If you love grinding motions like I do, scissoring is just the best thing ever,” she adds.
As for cons, scissoring doesn’t come with many. It’s famously a pretty marmite position so there’s always a chance it might not do it for you – the only way to find out is to give it a try.
However, there are a few things to keep in mind. Loxley warns that it can be a risk for catching STIs. “Unless you have a really big dental dam, which would be uncomfortable to use as you’d have to hold it in place the whole time to cover the whole area, you could catch an STI while scissoring as it usually involves rubbing your genitals against someone else’s without a barrier, making sex less safe,” they explain. This is why it’s so important to communicate with partners about STI status as much as possible, and get tested for all STIs after each new partner.
They also note that, before you get going with scissoring, you’re likely to need some lube. “Unless friction is your thing, lube is needed to lessen friction during scissoring. This is especially needed if you’ve recently shaved your vulva and have any shaving rash present, or if you have a sensitive clitoris or vulva.”
How to spice scissoring up
What’s especially great about scissoring, according to Engle, is that it’s adaptable with sex toys. More often than not, people with vaginas find it easier to come through clitoral stimulation or a blended orgasm (internal and external double-whammy orgasms) over penetration, so you can match your sex toys accordingly.
A double ended dildo like Lovehoney’s Deep Dive strap-on, if both partners have a vulva, can make for a great scissoring session with some internal penetrative sensations. And popping a bullet vibrator like LELO’s Mia 2, or pebble-shaped vulva vibrator like Iroha’s Midori or Smilemakers’ The Ballerina between the two of you while doing any kind of scissoring can help have a really intense orgasm.
If you’re someone who gets off on a grinding sensation, scissoring is probably really fun for you already, but yours and your partner’s pleasure could be elevated by popping a grindpad between you. For the best of both worlds, bring a few toys along and switch them out accordingly, or use your fingers to stimulate the clit while using an internal toy.
It’s important to remember that sex and the array of positions, toys, opportunities and styles that come with it are your choice.
If you’re really ready to step things up a notch, incorporating kinks like bondage or sensory deprivation can create layered sensations that make for a really intense pleasure experience. Use a good bondage kit like this one from The Natural Love Company to tie each other up, or use what you’ve got at home (a bit of rope and a bandana around the eyes with some noise cancelling headphones on go a long way in the bedroom!)
Loxley notes that, because of stereotypes about lesbians and porn showing a lot of scissoring in lesbian sex, a lot of queer people with vulvas feel that they have to like scissoring, which comes with a lot of pressure.
“That can come with induced shame if you don’t want to do it or don’t know how.” It’s important to remember that sex and the array of positions, toys, opportunities and styles that come with it are your choice. Whether you’re a scissor-er or you’d rather try something else, that’s always fine. Just make sure you’re not judging anyone else for loving it.
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